How do you react when you are faced with spending another weekend alone because nobody has invited you to do anything with them?
Do you mope around the apartment, hoping that the phone will ring, and wishing that somebody, somewhere, will call to invite you to do something?
Just because no one has invited you to do anything with them, doesn’t mean you have to spend your time alone feeling lonely, depressed or bored. You can actually make sure that you fill your spare time with activities that you really enjoy. And you can take steps to create a better social life for yourself.
Many people who don’t have a very active social life, punish themselves further by refusing to do the things they really enjoy unless they are with someone else. Does this happen to you?
Do you tell yourself that you could never go to the movies or the theatre or have dinner by yourself because you can’t enjoy yourself without a partner?
Maybe you’re a person who loves going to gourmet restaurants, or to live theater, or action movies, but you never go to these activities unless you have someone else to go with. If you don’t have a partner to go out with, you just stay home.
You might think you can’t enjoy your favorite activities if you’re alone. Or you might be worried about what others might think if they see you alone in public.
If you have convinced yourself that you cannot enjoy any of your favorite activities if you do them alone, your attitude will create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you go out alone, and then spend the whole time thinking how terrible it is that you don’t have somebody with you, then no matter how great your meal is, and no matter how funny the movie that you see by yourself, you will still go home miserable.
But notice that in a situation like this, it’s not the fact that you’re alone that is causing your misery.
Your misery is caused because you are telling yourself some very negative thoughts, and letting yourself believe that they must be true. When you let critical negative thoughts fill your mind, your emotions will follow where your thoughts are going, and you will feel terrible.
The good news is that you don’t have to say anything negative to yourself at all! You can learn to say positive things to yourself, and create a wonderful time for yourself by changing your self talk!
Just because you haven’t received an invitation from anyone else, it doesn’t mean you have to stay home alone feeling sorry for yourself.
Decide to go out and do some activity that you really enjoy, and treat it like a special date… a date with yourself!
Don’t go into the experience telling yourself that you will have a lousy time. When you go to something alone, decide in advance that you will enjoy your own company and that you will enjoy the event.
Before you go out, take some time to relax and pamper yourself. Have a nice bath and play your favorite music. Put on attractive clothing that makes you look and feel good. Make the effort to visualize yourself having fun and enjoying the coming experience.
If you find yourself visualizing yourself feeling lonely and sorry for yourself, make a conscious effort to visualize yourself having fun.
While you are at the event, whatever it is, do everything you can to increase the enjoyment you get out ot it.
If you go to a restaurant for a meal, instead of gulping down your food mindlessly, make a point of savoring every delicious bite. Sip your wine slowly. Take whatever pleasure you can in the situation. Open up all your senses, and open your mind. Create the best time for yourself that you possibly can.
If you approach going out by yourself with a positive attitude, you will find that you can learn to enjoy solitary activities much more than you expected.
Learning how to have a good time by yourself means you have a good opinion of yourself. It means that you treat yourself well, that you create your own self esteem without depending on the opinions of others to feel good about yourself.
If you can learn to create pleasure and fun for yourself, you will be less panicky when you are faced with spending time alone. You’ll also become more confident, more interesting, and much more attractive to others.
When you are faced with the prospect of yet another weekend alone, you can also take the initiative to call someone you know and suggest a fun activity such as having coffee, or attending a movie. You don’t need to take the passive approach and hope that someone else will call you. If you spend your whole life waiting for the phone to ring, hoping that someone will call and invite you to go on an outing, you are giving up control of your social life to everyone else.
Why not take control of your social life? You can create your own social events and invite other people to join you. You can ask others if they’d like to come and watch television with you. You can invite people over to your place for supper.
If you don’t want to host an activity in your home, there are thousands of possibilities right outside your doorstep, limited only by your imagination. You can organize a picnic, an outing to the zoo, or a trip to the bowling alley. You can suggest a walk through the park, or a visit to a library or art gallery?.A tennis match?..A tractor pull?..A concert?..A movie. It’s up to you.
You can invite people you know well, and you can include others you have only recently met. You can even ask your friends to bring some of their other friends along.
If you have never dreamed of initiating a social event on your own, is it because you are too shy? Do you fear rejection? Does the thought of initiating a social event seem terrifying to you? Is it just too different from the behavior you are used to? The more often you do it, the easier it will become.
Your social occasions don’t need to be big and complicated. You can start very small, with just one or two people. You don’t need to plan a big, exciting event, and it doesn’t have to be perfect! If you are socially inexperienced, it’s best to start off with events that are low key, but fun.
Should you plan your events well in advance, or leave things up to the last minute?
The right answer for one situation might not be true in another.
If you live in a big city with a fast bustling pace, and if everyone you know is swamped with too many things to do, then you will probably have to send out your invitations well in advance. Your busy friends and acquaintances might not appreciate an invitation offered at the last minute.
If you live among people who are more relaxed, who have very open schedules, in a place where there aren’t a lot of tight deadlines and time pressures, then they may be happy to get an invitation from you to go to coffee an hour from the time you call them.
If anyone turns you down, don’t spend even one minute wondering why those people are not coming! Just concentrate on finding those people who would love to spend time with you.
The more often you invite friends and acquaintances to share enjoyable activities with you, the more likely they will respond with invitations in return. They will even look to you for social leadership.
The real winner here is you. If you learn to create your own social occasions, and invite others to enjoy them with you, you won’t ever have to fear another boring, lonely weekend. You can fill your time with activities and people you enjoy!
This article is taken from the new downloadable book by Royane Real titled “How You Can Have All the Friends You Want – Your Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends” Check it out at http://www.royanereal.com.